


see the day

by electrictrashcan



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: First Kiss, Growing Up, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, New Year's Kiss, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 16:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrictrashcan/pseuds/electrictrashcan
Summary: somehow maybe now i'll find the words to say:never though i'd see the day





	see the day

**Author's Note:**

> hi two major tw:  
> \- use of the f-slur by a bully. just the one time but it's there  
> \- pretty overt mention of su*cide attempt and ideation. again, only one appearance but proceed with caution
> 
> also if u are or know anyone of the ppl mentioned in this fic this never existed
> 
> also this is super not revised at all bear with me i was having Emotions

**the sun is rising up half the way**

brian is five and awake before the rest of the house. the sun is pooling around his lego creation, bathing it in an amber light. he is completely engrossed in his work, meticulously placing brick after brick into place to create the perfect house for his small yellow family. there are two dads. brian continues building the chimney.

**i never thought i'd see the day**

brian is twenty four and laying on the couch, his eyes boring holes through the ceiling. earlier today he threw the watch away. he doesn't remember exactly which alley he was next to when he finally worked up the gall. that is probably for the best. silent tears roll off his somber face. he doesn't blink.

**the moon is crumbling but that's okay**

brian is seven and sitting cross-legged on a playground bench. another boy called him gay today when he said he didn't want to play soccer with them. he doesn't quite know what that means but the way the boy's face curled as he said that word made brian think that maybe it wasn't a good word to call people.

**i never thought i'd see the day**

brian is twenty four and curled into pat's shoulder. pat is maintaining impressive eye contact with his current game of smash bros. brian lets out a choked sob and pat calmly rubs his back when his game finishes. the two sit in silence for a long time. slowly, pat envelopes brian in a hug.

**the sea is bubbling beyond the shore**

brian is ten and with friends. they are talking about their crushes. brian has two. he only tells them about one. they wouldn't understand his second crush. he loves his friends and doesn't want to lose them. after they have gone to sleep he thinks about his secret second crush. he has warm brown eyes.

**i can't quite tell what i'm hoping for**

brian is twenty four and worrying at his cuticles, with his knees shoved up into his chest and nearly cross-eyed with focus on his present task. pat is asleep next to him on the couch. he should wake him up, but looking at pat's contented face raises too many feelings. he continues to pick at his fingernails.

**dive out of nothing and into more**

brian is twelve and has a girlfriend. he loves her, he thinks. he's not really sure what love is. they kissed the night of the school dance. it felt weird. that might have been here braces though. he decides that night that he is going to marry her when he grows up.

**but i can't quite tell what i'm hoping for**

brian is twenty four and patrick gill's face is three inches from his own. there is an intensity in the man's eyes, but it doesn't completely mask the fear that lights his face. brian feels how pat looks. their first kiss is sloppy and not at all pretty. brian can't seem to care.

**somehow maybe now i'll find the words to say:**  
**never though i'd see the day**

brian fiddled with the ring on his left hand. it was still new enough for the weight to feel odd and novel. he looked to the man beside him and smiled before lacing his right with pat's left, wedding ring and all.

**the sleeping slip has begun to fray**

brian is fifteen and terrified. his jawbone is throbbing and his head is spinning. the boy who had just called him a faggot is high-fiving his friends and laughing uncaringly. brian's heart knots itself into an ugly shape but he refuses to let a single sob pass his lips. he stiffly walks away from the locker and to the sink to wash his face.

**i never thought i'd see the day**

brian is twenty four and laughing harder than he has in a long time. the shoot was supposed to wrap an hour ago but pat's barks of occasional laughter can be very distracting. clayton is of good humor and doesn't say much to their chaste kisses and overt closeness, though brian swears the man keeps grinning at the two of them

**the pious hunter stops stalking prey**

brian is eighteen and standing on a rickety folding chair. the rope scratches uncomfortably against his adam's apple. his pupils are blown out with fear, but a frighteningly icy determination sits behind it. his phone chimes weakly. he ignores it. it won't matter anyway.

**i never thought i'd see the day**

brian is twenty four and perhaps a bit more than tipsy. he is dancing in the kitchen, socked feet sliding uselessly against the linolium. patrick is nursing a solo cup of something shitty, probably. as the final few numbers are shouted, brian sidles up beside him and presses a kiss onto pat's mouth. he tastes like beer.

**spent too much time writing all the lore**

brian is twenty and he has found his home. jonah welcomed him into friendship with open arms. sure, brian had crushed on him for a little bit - who wouldn't? - but jonah was unappologetically accepting. they agreed that if they weren't both married by thirty five they would marry one another for the tax benefits.

**can't quite tell what i'm hoping for**

brian is twenty five and in love. pat is his everything. they work in virtual, now, needing no communication to understand what the other needs. clayton's occasional plea to explain what needs to be done is received with appologies and sly grins to one another.

**so i'll live my life being so unsure**

brian is twenty two and a wanderer. he doesn't know where he wants to go with his life. at least not yet. what he does know is that he has jonah and laura and patrick and his parents and a video game publication called polygon dot com to ground him.

**cause i can't quite tell what i'm hoping for**

brian is twenty five and making pancakes as the sun's warm amber glow fills pat's apartment. he hears a padding behind him before feeling pat's hands find his waist. setting his chin down on brian's shoulder, he whispers,  _good morning beautiful._ brian turns to plant a kiss on pat's cheek, content.

**somehow maybe now i'll find the words to say:**  
**never though i'd see the day**

brian was awestruck when he saw pat in the tuxedo for the first time. he looked gorgeous. his hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a few strands left artistically to frame his face whispily. brian rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet during the vows. finally, he can see it all, laid in front of him. his life is clear. he is sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> folks i am emo and i'm so incredibly sorry for bri for just projecting my life onto his  
> it is 1:30am and i have an end of course test tomorrow but now i've gone and made myself cry over these dumbass boys so


End file.
